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The Joker: I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger.
The Joker: Why... so... serious?
The Joker: [to Batman] Come on, I want you do it, I want you to do it. Come on, hit me. *Hit me!*
The Joker: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We're tonight's entertainment.
The Joker: Now, let's not *blow* things out of proportion here...You know what? Here is my card.
The Joker: I use a knife because guns are too quick. Otherwise, you can't savor all
the emotions. You know who people are in their last moments.
The Joker: [looks directly at Dinner Guest] You know, you remind of my father.
[takes a knife to dinner guest's neck]
The Joker: ... I hated my father!
The Joker: You prefer a magic trick, instead? Watch me make this pencil disappear.
[pushes down an oncoming thug's eye towards the pencil]
Batman: Why do you wanna kill me?
The Joker: Kill you? I don't wanna kill you... you complete me.
Batman: What did you do?
The Joker: I took Gotham's white knight, and lowered him to our level. It wasn't hard. Y'see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little...push.
The Joker: [to Batman] You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness...and I won't kill you because...you're just too much fun.
The Joker: [to Batman] You truly are incorruptible, aren't you?
The Joker: [to Batman] I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
The Joker: [to Batman] We really should stop fighting, we'll miss the fireworks!
The Joker: The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules!
The Joker: See, I'm not a monster...I'm just ahead of the curve.
The Joker: See, I'm a man of simple tastes. I like gunpowder...and dynamite...and gasoline! Do you know what all of these things have in common? They're cheap!
The Joker: Introduce a little anarchy.
[The Joker puts a gun into Two-Face's hand and a coin into the other hand]
The Joker: Upset the established order.
[Two-Face points the gun at the Joker's head and shows him the two sides of the coin]
Two-Face:This side you live. This side you don't.
The Joker: Now that's want I'm talking about!
Two-Face: [Two-Face flips the coin, which side it lands on isn't shown]
The Joker: You'll see, I'll show you, that when the chips are down, these uh... civilized people, they'll eat each other.
The Joker: [speaking to Harvey] Do I really look like a man with a plan, Harvey? I don't have a plan. The mob has plans, the cops have plans. You know what I am, Harvey? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do if I caught one. I just *do* things. I'm a wrench in the gears. I *hate* plans. Yours, theirs, everyone's. Maroni has plans. Gordon has plans. Schemers trying to control their worlds. I am not a schemer. I show schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are. So when I say that what happened to you and your girlfriend wasn't personal, you know I'M telling the truth.
[hands Dent a gun]
The Joker: It's a schemer who put you where you are. You were a schemer. You had plans. Look where it got you. I just did what I do best-I took your plan and turned it on itself. Look what I have done to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple bullets. Nobody panics when the expected people get killed. Nobody panics when things go according to plan, even if the plans are horrifying. If I tell the press that tomorrow a gangbanger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will get blown up, nobody panics. But when I say one little old mayor will die, everyone loses their minds! Introduce a little anarchy, you upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I am an agent of chaos. And you know the thing about chaos, Harvey? It's fair.
The Joker: If you're good at something, never do it for free.
The Joker: You look nervous. Is it the scars? You want to know how I got them? Come here. Hey, look at me. So I had a wife, beautiful; like you. Who tells me, I worry too much. Who tells me, I ought to smile more. Who gambles, and gets in deep with sharks. One day they carve her face. We have no money for surgeries. She can't take it! I just want to see her smile again. I just want her to know that I don't care about the scars. So I stick a razor in my mouth and do this... to myself. And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves. Now I see the funny side. Now I'm always smiling!
The Joker: [Holding a knife inside Gamble's mouth] Do you want to know how I got these scars? My father was...a drinker...and a fiend. One night he goes off crazier than usual, and Mommy picks up a kitchen knife to defend herself. Well, Daddy doesn't like that. Not. One. Bit. So, me watching, he takes the knife and slices her up, laughing as he does it. And then he looks at me standing there, and says, "Why...so...serious?" And as he's walking over to me: "Why...so...serious?" And then he puts the knife in my mouth, like this, and says, "Let's put a *smile* on that face!"
Detective Stephens: That's nice.
The Joker: How many of your friends have I killed?
Detective Stephens: I'm a twenty year man. I can tell the difference between punks who need a little lesson in manners...And the freaks like you who would just enjoy it.
Detective Stephens: And you've killed six of my friends.
The Joker: [faking interest, mouths "Six?"]
The Joker: This town deserves a better class of criminal... and I'm gonna give it to them. Tell your men they work for me now. This is my city.
The Chechen: They won't work for a freak...
The Joker: [mocking his accent] A freak...
[pulls out his switchblade and tosses it to some goons who grabs the Chechen]
The Joker: Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches? Hmm? And then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is. It's not about money. It's about sending a message. Everything burns.